How to Respond When Triggered by Your Child

The Art of Responding, Not Reacting

Parenting is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and everything in between. A key challenge is knowing how to respond when triggered by your child. When it feels like they know exactly which buttons to press to make you lose your cool. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by your child misbehaving or having a meltdown, and to react without thinking. However, joining your child in their emotional outburst does little good to anyone!

Navigating Parenting Triggers

Pay attention to the physical and emotional signals your body sends when you’re upset. Perhaps a tight chest, clenched jaw, or racing heart. Notice what sets you off and in what situations. Awareness of your triggers is the first step to better responses.

Take Charge of Your Response

When you understand your triggers, you gain the power to anticipate and plan for high-stress moments. This preparation can help you respond more calmly to your child’s behavior. Remember:

• Identify Your Triggers: Recognise situations or behaviours that set you off.
• Plan Ahead: Think about how you’ll respond when these moments arise.
• Focus on What You Can Control: While you can’t control your child’s emotions, you can control your response.

As Stephen Covey says, “Between a stimulus and our response, there is a space.” This space gives you the power to choose your reaction. In moments of stress, this idea can be incredibly empowering for parents. When feeling triggered by your child, use this space to pause, to take a deep breath. It’s your call what happens next. 

Be Responsive, Not Reactive

Ultimately, “being triggered” is on you as the adult in the relationship. YOU are in charge of YOUR buttons. Rather than reprimanding or reacting to your button-pushing child, lean in. Soften your stance and try to understand and work with your child in these tough moments. 

Want to get furious? Choose to get curious. 

Slowing down your responses requires considerable effort, especially at first. But with practice, it becomes second nature. Slow become fast. Knowing your triggers, and managing how your respond when triggered by your child, will pay off tenfold. 

We’d love to hear from you! How do you manage those challenging moments when you feel triggered by your child? Let us know in the comments.