Adolescence on Netflix: Boyhood In Crisis
Everyone is talking about Adolescence on Netflix. And they should. This is incredible television. And it creates a valuable conversation.
The show opens with a jolt: police officers shatter the dawn and the front door of a suburban home to arrest 13-year-old Jamie Miller for the murder of Katie Leonard, a schoolmate barely older than himself.
There’s no whodunnit.
We know the perpetrator from the beginning – although his innocent pleas make us want to believe it’s just a terrible mistake. Instead of being a murder-mystery, Adolescence forces us to confront the far more unsettling question: why?
Nothing can (or should) diminish the shattering reality that Katie’s life was violently taken. It’s devastating. Who has words for the landscape of grief her family now has to navigate? They are the primary casualties of this catastrophe.
But while Adolescence pointedly demands we recognise this, it directs our attention to another victim: Jamie. The perpetrator. And more broadly, childhood itself.
What emerges as detectives unearth elements of Jamie’s life is a portrait of modern boyhood in profound crisis.
Boyhood in Crisis
I’m writing the final chapters of my book about raising boy right now. This week. This show has forced a rewrite of what I’m saying as I wrap the book.
Here’s our challenge with Jamie. Despite being in a home with loving parents, receiving an education, and being a “smart” kid, Jamie is struggling. Like so many boys – literally, boys – he has been methodically transformed through a toxic ecosystem that most parents fail to comprehend.
At just 13, when he should be discovering his world through play and friendship – and note, he has some great mates – Jamie is instead trying to live up to (and is being measured against) a poisonous standard of masculinity propagated through social media.
The mockery he endured for being an incel – “involuntarily celibate” – reveals how our boys are being thrust into adult sexual frameworks before they’ve even navigated puberty. Jamie’s cardinal sin is that he is a virgin at 13!!!
He’s violating the “Boy Code”. His masculinity feels precarious – but he’s barely old enough to have a broken voice. And the “Man Box” beliefs policed by peers in the playground – kids who don’t know him and don’t care about him – unleash a cascade of shame, self-loathing, and ultimately, violence.
Jamie wasn’t born with violence in his veins. But Jamie and countless boys like him are being victimised by an online ecosystem that feeds on their vulnerability with predatory efficiency.
In the third episode, set seven months after the murder as Jamie awaits trial in a youth detention facility, we witness Jamie’s emotional landscape for what it truly is: a wasteland.
In conversation with a psychologist (who is assessing him by seeing his reaction to a half-sandwich with food he doesn’t like, and asking him questions about being a man), Jamie desperately insists he isn’t gay, fabricates stories of sexual encounters, and carries the shame of his disinterest in football like an open wound – another failure in his father’s eyes.
When he mutters that he’s “ugly,” we’re witnessing a child whose self-worth has been completely eroded.
When he pleads to know whether the psychologist “likes” him, we witness his desperate need to be seen, to be reassured – to feel like he is worthy; enough.
What becomes devastatingly clear is how Jamie’s conception of manhood has been twisted violently out of shape.
But it didn’t happen in the shadowy corners of the internet. It happened in plain sight on his Instagram feed. Parents and police (all adults) had no clue that Katie had rejected him. The teens have their own language. But when Katie publicly humiliated him, his fragile identity collapsed entirely, and his anxiety erupted into murderous rage.
What Can We Do?
Here’s my take:
Adolescence isn’t just television. It’s a spotlight illuminating a reality many of us are reluctant to acknowledge. As parents, we often collude in our own ignorance, allowing a film of Vaseline to smear across our lens of perception when it comes to our children’s digital lives. Here’s how I’m seeing it.
Everyone bears responsibility.
- The tech companies are accumulating the greatest fortunes ever built in the history of the world while denying responsibility for the toxic spaces they’ve created.
- Our justice system processes damaged children through machinery designed for adults.
- Most educational institutions have failed to create cultures that nurture emotional intelligence or emotional safety.
- At school, groups of unsupervised children without positive role models are sustaining psychological wounds that may never heal.
- Parents are not doing the job (perhaps many are not up to the job) when it comes to kids and screens – and in the case of the show, general boundaries. We must be aware of what’s going on in their digital and their physical lives.
- And the kids – the kids are making choices that will cast long shadows into their lives because they are victims of a society that simply doesn’t care that much about them.
The ideological virus – Man Box, Boy Code, precarious masculinity—that colonised Jamie’s mind endangers women and girls. But the devastating consequences are felt by everyone. It also destroys boys themselves.
I spoke with Rebecca Sparrow after the death of my nephew to suicide in 2023. She pointed out that boys are hurting girls and women, they’re hurting each other, and they’re hurting themselves.
This distorted vision of masculinity drives male-on-male violence and suicide rates that leave only shattered lives and grieving families scattered in the aftermath. Watching Jamie’s family – his father in particular in his little boy’s bedroom – fail to come to terms with what has happened might have been the most tragic thing I’ve ever seen on television.
As the final credits roll, we’re left without comfort. There’s no reassuring conclusion, no promise that Jamie will extract himself from the toxic ideological quicksand that has consumed him. The victims family are wrongly condemned to a lifetime of suffering. And Jamie’s family will bear the scars of his choices permanently too. The show refuses to offer false hope. It leaves us in discomfort, precisely where we need to be.
Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: at this moment, thousands of boys are hunched over screens absorbing the same poisonous narratives that transformed Jamie from a confused adolescent into a killer. They’re being gradually radicalised while we attend to daily routines, often unaware of the transformation occurring under our roofs.
Our boys are being robbed of the opportunity to develop into men unburdened by these destructive conceptions of masculinity. Their childhoods aren’t gently transitioning. They’re being compressed and corrupted by digital influences while adults remain largely oblivious to the damage.
The technology companies won’t intervene. Educational systems are overwhelmed. The justice system is ill-equipped. And our boys continue to fall through widening cracks, emerging either broken by these pressures or breaking others in response.
“The construction of masculinity is a cultural task faced by every human society. It must be taught and learned and above all shown: boys believe their eyes more than their ears. When the job is done well, men know they are needed, and for what. They feel seen and heard. If we don’t like some of the versions of masculinity on offer, it’s up to us to fix that, rather than to pathologise the idea of masculinity itself.”
Richard Reeves
Adolescence offers no simple solutions. It simply holds up a mirror to our collective failure and asks what kind of society permits its children to be corrupted in digital spaces until they either implode or explode.
Katie is dead. Jamie is shattered. And the machinery that created this tragedy continues to operate, indifferent to the human cost.
How to Raise Boys Who Thrive
What You Can Do: Practical Steps for Parents
- Monitor your kids’ online activities – Know what they’re watching and who they’re engaging with.
- Talk to them regularly (and listen twice as much) – Open communication is key.
- Minimise screen time and foster face-to-face relationships – Encourage real-world socialisation.
- Spend more time together as a family – Connection builds resilience.
- Make sure he gets enough sleep – Poor sleep impacts emotional regulation.
- Know where your kids are – Awareness prevents risky situations.
- Ensure they have access to great adults who care about them – Role models matter.
- Tell them the three most important words they can hear – Not I love you, but no matter what. They need to know they’re worthy of your love—always.
Our boys are growing up in a world that often fails them. It’s time to step in. Talk to your son. Guide him through the digital minefield. Show him he is valued—not for fitting into outdated ideals of masculinity, but for who he truly is. Because the future of our boys depends on the action we take today.
Absolutely disgusting that people allow such a series to hold such weight as if it’s not a fictional work further fueling Keir Starmers deranged dictatorship while this show is being so disconnected from the demonization society has had towards young boys for years now the government is pushing it to be treated like it’s a documentary. The series itself is a disgusting betrayal of narrative for the series of events that truly inspired the show by the horrible murder of several girls by Axel Rudakubana a non-white killer and anyone pointing out the lunacy is labelled a racist and Islamophobic.
If you want young boys to grow up not influenced by terrible online influencers then get them off line, talk to your boys more, stop making excuses and normalising excessive screen time and unfiltered internet access for young boys especially if you haven’t done your job as a parent to explain the dangers of being indoctrinated online or groomed into becoming an incel via nefarious manosphere rolemodels that degrade women and talk nonsense being a young boys only male role model in their lives because their parents are too placid about letting kids outta sight outta mind when they can be giving a parent space while being online.
I appreciate this insightful and caring review of a devastatingly powerful TV series. I’m struck though – in your review and others I’ve read – how reluctant the writers are to address the most stunning thing about the story. It’s a girl, Katie, who (unknowingly) incites her own murder by publicly humiliating Jamie. It suggests that girls play a key part in creating the toxic ecosphere that has such a deadly effect in the story. What has happened to girls..?! They need to be in the conversation. They are part of the problem. And they are being harmed as much as boys. The series brings this home with a gut punch.
Men of course are hesitant to address this part of the problem fearing feminist-inspired backlash. This is unfortunate but understandable. We women need to take a good look at what’s happening for girls and respond in whatever ways we can. We all have friends who are raising boys, or friends whose children are raising boys. We can start conversations to raise awareness, we can offer support and encouragement for the positive actions you suggest, most of which are challenging to actually do. We’re all in this together.
[…] https://happyfamilies.jmconsulting.com.au/articles/review-of-adolescence-netflix […]
We have just viewed Adolescence and totally agree with everything you have written and we thank you for your great insight and contribution to the conversation which will hopefully continue. We are both in our eighties and feel ashamed that our society has so diminished. We are part of it. However we have great hope for our youth and know there are many out there who reject the toxicity and will be the great leaders for tomorrow
[…] https://happyfamilies.jmconsulting.com.au/articles/review-of-adolescence-netflix – This review emphasizes the crisis facing boys today due to online influencers and how ‘Adolescence’ serves as a conversation starter about masculinity and the impact of social media, directly supporting the claims made about the show’s thematic focus. […]
[…] https://happyfamilies.jmconsulting.com.au/articles/review-of-adolescence-netflix – This article discusses the Netflix series ‘Adolescence’ and its portrayal of the challenges faced by teenage boys, especially in the context of their digital lives and perceptions of masculinity. It supports concerns raised by parents and educators about the impacts of social media. […]
[…] https://happyfamilies.jmconsulting.com.au/articles/review-of-adolescence-netflix […]
[…] https://happyfamilies.jmconsulting.com.au/articles/review-of-adolescence-netflix […]
[…] in the throes of writing a book on raising boys as he saw Adolescence, and who wrote eloquently here about it. He suggests the […]
What a brilliant analysis of this series. Gosh it punched hard in so many instances. Being a mother of a nearly 13 year old its was a hard watch. The innocence of youth and the easy of manipulation and influence that he is exposed to really is heart wrenching. As parents we need to be on point with kids more now than ever. My eyes are now wide open and I am learning more about the meanings of Emojis and making more time to be aware.
My husband and I watched “Adolescence” last week. I remember feeling anxious and slightly sick at my stomach during much of the series. It was not because of the language. It was because of appalling conditions in the schools ( Brit schools. I thought were better than ours. Perhaps not.) and the lack of supervision, respect, etc. etc. During the scenes about the meaning of various emojis and abbreviations of terms (ie. INCEL) I could not believe what the parents of today’s teens have to be aware of to keep their child safe. I know things are much worse now than when my son graduated HS in 2010. But I have a grandson, age 2 and I am already worried about his future.
[…] Justin Coulson raises some excellent points with his thoughtful review of “Adolescence” that I think are also worth […]
Thank you, your analysis of this heartbreaking series will hopefully help so many parents understand they have to try and do better to help these children. Social media is so damaging, and this series is so important! Hope fully change comes from it! Thanks again!
I keep looking at this show on Netflix, reading the synopsis and going, no I don’t think I can watch that. I thought it might be dramatised in a bad way and not the portrayal that you write about. Someone told me that you had written on it. Thank you so much for doing so. In reading your piece, the realisation of the parallel of me not wanting to watch (because I would be upset) is possibly one reason why we have such a problem in the first place. Let’s just say that I will be watching it today. I want to understand – in support of our beautiful kids. Society needs them. Let’s rally round our kids.
[…] Justin Coulson raises some excellent points with his thoughtful review of “Adolescence” that I think are also worth […]
[…] Justin Coulson raises some excellent points with his thoughtful review of “Adolescence” that I think are also worth […]
Dear Dr Justin Coulson’s Happy Families Thank you so much for sharing your point of view on this show. I’ve translated your article to Spanish in order to make it available for Latin American readers. Such version is available through my personal FB page for sharing, but I’d be happy to send you the file at your request in case you want to include it in your blog. https://www.facebook.com/share/p/12HVmtQAqPt/
It is a great read. Reflective to the core. Hard-hitting just like the series, ‘adolescence’.
Countries like India, with billion plus population and substantial percentage of young people this is eating the society from within. Crime has increased and the nature of crime is unthinkable.
Perpetrators of these crimes are young; adolescents or young adults.
With digital revolution and cheaper access to internet and gadgets, a person is not capable to afford good education but can easily watch all kind or uncensored and mentally delapidating stuff on screen without the fear or should I say the moral compass of being looked or judged.
Adults, the adults now are ill-equipped to understand the horrors and the horrifying impact of this….except perhaps the obvious side effects, poor eyesight, poor sleep, poor time management and so on.
The series is set in Europe and in English but it is true for India and for most of the world. Children rural or urban will relate to the theme quite well.
I didn’t see the movie/series. But I liked the article very much. It’s touches on the pressure that boys are experiencing and also on the opposite sex who are invariably, not always, the victims of this toxicity. My kids are adults but I have nephews in the the preteen and teen space so I’ll make myself more aware of the issues and try to always “be there for them” .
Brilliant analysis of the movie. After having seen it and now after reading this, it makes more sense. Thank you for highlighting the red flags. Hope we can learn from this!