15 Steps to Resilient Kids Who Bounce Back

No Fluff, Just Grit

Two propositions that matter when it comes to understanding resilience and knowing how to raise resilient kids:

1. Life is hard. Full stop. End of story. 

Despite what Instagram might suggest, life is not always sunshine and rainbows. When you need sunshine, it rains. When you’re running late, the kids are “too tired.” That potty-training toddler? The one who’s been dry all week? They’ll save the epic nappy blowout for the minute you strap them into the car seat for a four-hour drive.

And don’t forget the chorus of “I’m hungry!” that erupts three minutes after you’ve finally cleaned up the meal they didn’t like.

2. People are resilient. It’s in our nature. We are designed that way. 

Unfortunately, we are fed a lie that challenges break us. So, we try to make life comfortable. We avoid hardship and shield our kids from it too, scooping them up out of harm’s way to “protect” them. But here’s the thing: Resilience is a muscle built through experiences and relationships. It can’t grow without some challenges.

How to Build Resilience in Children

If you want resilient kids who face life’s curve balls with their heads held high, here’s the blueprint:

1/ Forge Unbreakable Bonds:

Kids need to know they have a corner in this crazy world where they’re safe, loved, and unconditionally accepted. That’s the foundation for everything else. The best research tells us that this is numero uno. Let them know you’re always there for them, no matter what.

Note: Being there for them doesn’t mean doing everything for them!

2/ Be Their Resilience Role Model:

Share your own stories of overcoming challenges. Let them see that setbacks are part of life, and bouncing back is possible.

Tip: The dinner table is the best place for these chats. Or the car, walking the dog, on the trampoline… anywhere! Just have the conversations.

3/ Asking for Help is a Superpower:

Create an environment where they feel safe expressing their needs. Make it clear that asking for help isn’t a weakness, it’s a smart move.

4/ Routine Creates a Safety Net:

Predictability provides a sense of control, especially during turbulent times. Establish healthy routines, but allow for flexibility when needed.

5/ Feelings Aren’t the Enemy:

Teach them that it’s okay to feel ALL the feels. But also give them the tools to navigate those emotions without getting swept away. Emotions come and go, just like waves on the beach. Help them learn to recognise and ride those waves… the good ones and the not so good ones.

6/ Laughter is the Best Medicine:

Teach them to find the humour in situations, even tough ones. Teach them to find humor even in tough situations. Inject some fun and silliness into everyday life—it lightens the load.

7/ Self-Care is Not Selfish:

A well-rested, nourished kid is better equipped to handle stress. Teach them healthy habits, and model them yourself, because no health habit supports resilience better than getting enough sleep.

8/ Give ‘Em the Reins (Sometimes):

Let them make choices, even small ones, so they learn to trust their gut.

9/ Celebrate the Climb, Not Just the Summit:

Resilient kids celebrate the journey, not just the destination.

Example: My eldest daughter and I hiked a huge hill in the Rocky Mountains. It was exhausting. After an hour of climbing I stopped and stared at the summit. She started to tell me it was too far. I spun her around and asked her what she could see. “We’ve come a long way huh? That view is amazing.” She turned to face the mountain and kept walking up it.

10/ Set the Bar… But Keep It Reachable:

Break goals into manageable steps, teaching them that every small step counts.

11/ Turn Problems into Puzzles:

Teach them to approach challenges with curiosity and creativity. Brainstorm solutions together, and let them take the lead when possible.

12/ Roll with the Punches: 

Life throws curve balls. Help them see change as an opportunity, not a threat.

13/ Let Them Explore Their Passions:

Encourage curiosity and support their interests, even if they seem quirky or unusual. It’s about finding their spark.

14/ Find Their “Why”:

Help them discover what matters to them, what lights their fire. A sense of purpose fuels resilience. This will be most helpful for older kids.

15/ Build Them Up, Brick by Brick:

Focus on their strengths, their unique qualities. Remind them of their wins, big and small. A strong self-image is a powerful shield.

Raising Resilient Kids

Remember, building resilience is an ongoing process. It’s about nurturing a mindset, not checking off a list. Be patient, be present, and most importantly, be the safe harbour your child needs to navigate life’s choppy waters.