I Missed Out on Seeing Taylor Swift
Coping disappointment is hard, especially for teens. Here’s how to help your child through tough moments with empathy and understanding.
My week has been a cocktail of Taylor Swift music, massive tears from teenage daughters, friendship bracelets, and emotional conversations with said daughters who are having the worst week they’ve had in a very, very long time.
Why Missing Out Feels So Big to Teens
Some backstory… let’s revisit June 2023:
My daughters were holding my credit card. I was nervous. And so I watched as my two teen daughters waited… and waited… and waited. For four days they loaded up devices with the Taylor Swift Ticketek sales page and waited.
Taylor Swift played on their devices. They spoke about which seats they hoped to enjoy. They looked forward to hearing her sing them their favourite song. In person.
They remained hopeful for hour after hour. And for day after day. And when the tickets were sold out for Melbourne, they knew that Sydney was coming up soon. They tried, and tried. And tried.
Understanding the Disappointment: It’s Not Just a Concert
The injustice of it all was hardest to watch. Friends got in on their first try, securing tickets worth more than gold. Some people made their purchase and then somehow found their way into the purchase page a second time or even a third time, nabbing tix for friends.
And all the while, my girls, like millions of others, pushed refresh and lived in hope. It was in vain.
I watched them grapple with their disappointment. Nothing about this came easy. I know this sounds a little melodramatic… but they mourned. Truly.
But then they moved on.
Honestly, I was kind of relieved for my wallet. A Taylor Swift concert would have set us back thousands of dollars when we added up the ticket price, the flights, the accommodations, the food and transportation costs, and the obligatory merch.
But I remember being a teenager and the thrill I felt knowing I had tickets to Guns ‘n Roses, Lenny Kravitz, Prince, Henry Rollins, or whatever other superstar was coming to Australia. Being there… unbelievable.
Now we’re entering a new phase of the Taylor Swift concert phenomenon. She’s here. The concerts are happening. Our daughter’s friends are flying into Sydney and Melbourne for the insufficient number of concerts. They’re sharing the photos and loading the video clips. They’re immersed in the joy and exhilaration of the moment. And they’re not subtle about sharing their joy. It’s right in everyone’s faces.
Which means right now sucks for millions of teens who are reliving the disappointment. Again.
How to Show Compassion Without Minimising Feelings
So what am I telling my kids?
Not much. But when they have their moments – and they are having some moments – I’m trying to do the following:
Have Soft Eyes
Compassion comes from two Latin words. Com is the prefix of words like community, common, communicate, combine, compact, complement. It means “together”. Passion historically meant “to suffer”. So compassion literally means “to suffer with”. If your child is suffering right now (however much you think it’s silly), meet them where they are. Soft eyes mean soft words, soft touch, and soft hearts. You can’t have soft eyes and be dispassionate.
Give Them the Fantasy
A simple statement like “Don’t you wish you were there” offers empathy. But it also emphasises reality. It’s validating and soft, but it doesn’t patronise.
Listen Without Judgment
For reasons that are hard to understand if you’re an adult, your child is experiencing a form of mourning right now. The reality of missing out and dealing with disappointment creates its own kind of grief. There’s the social loss. But there’s also the experiential loss.
Practical Strategies for Helping Teens Process Grief
Never Minimise the Pain
It can be tempting to remind your kids that “it’s just a concert”. You might think reminding them that spending $2500 to see a show that you’d “need binoculars for and you won’t hear the music properly anyway” will make them feel better. Telling them the music sounds better at home doesn’t lead to an “oh yeah, that’s true” moment.
Shake It Off: Mourning and Moving On
Mourn, then move on. Mourning means being allowed to be sad. Moving on means finding the people and activities that give you the strength and confidence to believe life is still rich even when you don’t get what you want. In fact, not getting what you want is what makes life precisely that rich. You can’t appreciate how good the good is unless you’ve experienced the bad.
Happiness is about processing. Registering the truth and working through the accompanying emotions is the key to a rich life. Disappointment happens. Missing a concert sucks. Mourning it with compassionate and supportive people helps.
If your teens are mourning, go softly this week. They’ll be ok, but it’s still sad. And they’re allowed to feel that way.
The Social Side of FOMO: Navigating Friends’ Joy Sensitively
Encourage them to share in the thrill for their friends who were there. It’s a big moment for them, and they should be allowed to enjoy it.
And a gentle reminder for everyone whose kids were lucky enough to score tickets. Help them share their joy in sensitive and considerate ways. They should be allowed to celebrate. But it’s always better when they can do it nicely.
Dealing with disappointment isn’t easy, but with compassion and support, you can help your teen grow stronger. For more insights on navigating the ups and downs of parenting, explore our latest articles and resources.
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