There is so much information available for parents of children with ADHD. But where is help for the parent with ADHD? How can you navigate the myriad life stressors and your own neurodivergent issues and manage all of the mayhem that goes hand in hand with family life and children?

Challenges of Parenting When You Have ADHD

Half of the Happy Families team are proud ADHDers. We understand the struggle and challenge that having ADHD brings to the parenting table! The overwhelm, chaos, chronic disorganisation, doom piles, sensory overload, working memory that doesn’t work, executive dysfunction, sleep struggles, etc.

We get it!

Throw some neurodivergent kiddos into the mix, and, well, it’s hard. The challenges compound, snowball, magnify, SURGE into one great, gigantic pot of “very messy”. It’s difficult to try to explain to others what is going on. It’s near impossible to know how to pull yourself out of the quagmire of absolute chaos while trying to keep the rest of the family from drowning alongside you.

And so, when Happy Families received a question from a struggling mum seeking advice for parents with ADHD, our team gathered for some neurospicey brainstorming! We have compiled a list of tips, hacks, ideas, and suggestions that have been helpful in our own parenting journeys. In sharing these personally tried and tested tips, we hope that you feel supported, encouraged, and not so alone in this crazy parenting adventure. 

Our Top Tips for Parents With ADHD

Brought to you by the Happy Families team.

1. Be kind to yourself. 

Let go of what you think you should be as a parent. Work with your strengths. Don’t let your weaknesses define you. You can always work on things that may need improving (or find ways to work around them). Embrace your differences. 

2. Eat and drink. 

Set alarms with reminders to eat. Piggyback drinking a glass of water with other tasks that you do. Find quick and easy meals so that you don’t have to think about what to eat. Keep a supply of on-the-go snacks in your handbag (e.g. muesli bars, dried fruit).

3. Choose “your person” wisely. 

Find someone organised who likes grocery shopping and cooking, and never, ever let them go. (Just kidding. But also, seriously!)

4. Let go of impossible expectations.

We know you’re amazing, but you’re also only human. Work within your capabilities and capacities. Let go of the expectations and “standards” that don’t actually serve you and your family. Good enough really is good enough! Create your own standards for what your family life and home look like. Ones that are achievable, workable, sustainable, and flexible, and that help you feel competent, confident, and content.

5. Don’t buy the fancy organiser. 

You won’t use it. Put events, appointments, reminders, and school excursions into your calendar AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THEM.

6. Brain dump.

Keep a pen and notebook next to your bed. Then you can jot down the entire novel that’s just decided its existence is more important than your sleep. Offloading thoughts and ideas that would otherwise buzz around inside your head all night can help to quiet your brain.

7. Find what works for you. 

What issue is causing you pain? Is leaving the house with everyone actually wearing socks a near-impossible task, with multiple trips back inside trying to find some? Leave a basket of socks at the door! Are you struggling with impulse purchases and money management? Find a system that is designed to support the ADHD brain. (One of our team members is a huge fan of UP for its ADHD-friendly features.)

8. Get help. 

Speak to your doctor and get a referral to an ADHD specialist or psychiatrist. Help is available, and there is no shame in seeking it out! Medication can be life-changing for many parents with ADHD. If you have a bit of a long wait to see a specialist, find support elsewhere. Podcasts, groups, websites (we’ll pop some links down below), and meet up with other ADHD parents. 

9. Reminders & systems. 

Ask your organised friends if they can send you reminders for important school things.

Set up a system of reminders on your phone.

Is keeping track of school notes online basically a lost cause? Call the school. Ask for physical copies to be sent home rather than emailed. Then sign those permission slips the instant they reach your hands!

10. Buy an air fryer. 

You will not regret this purchase.

11. You don’t have to juggle ALL the balls!

Some balls are glass (to be protected at all costs), some are rubber, and some are just cheap plastic. It’s ok to drop balls if the juggle is a struggle! Most likely, they will just bounce around a bit until you have the capacity to pick them up at a later stage. Pass one on to someone else to carry. We even give you permission to throw a few in the bin if they’re just not that important to you. Focus on the things that truly matter to you and your family (these are your glass balls; treasure them!).

12. Outsource. 

If you can afford to do so, outsource whichever task you find most stressful, exhausting, or impossible! Employ a cleaner. Subscribe to Hello Fresh. Order the takeaway. 

13. Find your tribe. 

We all need to feel loved and accepted, just as we are. It helps if the people around us truly understand and delight in our unique differences, free of judgement and expectation, allowing unfiltered you to exist and to shine in all your disorganised, chaotic glory.

14. Become friends with your brain.

Learn, grow, thrive. Throw yourself into the fascinating world of the ADHD brain. Understand why you are the way you are, what makes your neurodivergent brain tick, and how your brain responds to dopamine, sensory triggers, and emotional triggers!

The flow-on effect that comes from understanding your brain includes:

• kindness and compassion towards yourself,
• an increase in empathy and patience, and
• a greater ability to recognise and avoid triggers, to stop and think before reacting (RSD—now there’s a doozy to research!).

Check out the resource list below to learn more about your ADHD brain.

15. Be a role model.

Do not let negative self-talk leave your lips, ever!—and especially not in front of your children. You are not stupid. You are not incapable. There is nothing wrong with you. Your brain just works a little differently, and that’s ok. Set the tone for how your children will speak about themselves in times when they may be struggling. Focus on your strengths and unique abilities, and model healthy self-love and self-respect.

Parenting with ADHD can feel overwhelming. But you can create a thriving family environment that works for you! Remember, you’re not alone on this journey of parenting with ADHD.

What ADHD-friendly parenting tips would you add to the list? Let us know in the comments!

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Resources and Support for ADHD Parents:

• ADHD Mums
• Women in Australia with ADHD: Facebook Group
• Future ADHD: A Podcast with Grace Koelma
• The Year I Met My Brain: A Travel Companion for Adults Who Have Just Found Out They Have ADHD, by Matilda Boseley
• Additude Magazine
• The Queen of Distraction: How Women with ADHD Can Conquer Chaos, Find Focus, and Get It All Done, by Terry Matlen